Sunday, February 22, 2009

It's All About the Time and the Heart

And right now I don't have either when it comes to running a marathon.

TIME: Nate is in school getting his MBA and that is more time consuming for him than having a full time job. Way more time consuming. When we decided that he was going to go back to school, we made a deal that I wouldn't run any marathons during that two years. But, after we got here, I was really itching to train for some sort of race and I wanted to do the SLC marathon again. He agreed and said that would be fine and he would support me. However, it's really hard to find the time to do a "long" runs on Saturdays because he is constantly gone at group meetings or just studying. (We have two cutie pie kids that needs to be looked after :) ) I don't blame him, it's just the way things go when you have a husband getting a Masters Degree in Business. So needless to say, while my runs during the week have been going alright, my long runs have basically been nonexistent. I have run 10 miles twice.

HEART: I don't think it's a secret that I would really really love to be pregnant, but for some reason it just isn't happening for me. When I started out training for this marathon, I told myself I would just train until I got pregnant and then I would stop the marathon training and just train for the 5K. The problem is, it's really hard to even want to run a "long run" when you are not sure if you will even do the marathon. My heart wants to be pregnant, not running a marathon. The even bigger problem is that every single long run that I do is a painful reminder of the fact that I am not pregnant. Last year I was so so so excited to run the marathon. Contrastly, this year when I imagine myself running it, I picture myself crying at the end, not because I'm so happy I finished, but because I'm so upset I don't have a baby instead.

So, I don't know what I'm going to do about the race. I still keep hoping I'll just get pregnant and it will make the decision easy: a 5K. In reality I guess I'll wait until the week before the race and then make a decision based on how much I've trained and of course the baby situation.

NOTE: Last year I did not train for the Pocotello Marathon because I was so sure I would be prego by Aug. 31st. Well, I ended up not and ran it anyway with my sister having trained less than what I have trained for this marathon. So, anything's possible.