Sunday, February 22, 2009

It's All About the Time and the Heart

And right now I don't have either when it comes to running a marathon.

TIME: Nate is in school getting his MBA and that is more time consuming for him than having a full time job. Way more time consuming. When we decided that he was going to go back to school, we made a deal that I wouldn't run any marathons during that two years. But, after we got here, I was really itching to train for some sort of race and I wanted to do the SLC marathon again. He agreed and said that would be fine and he would support me. However, it's really hard to find the time to do a "long" runs on Saturdays because he is constantly gone at group meetings or just studying. (We have two cutie pie kids that needs to be looked after :) ) I don't blame him, it's just the way things go when you have a husband getting a Masters Degree in Business. So needless to say, while my runs during the week have been going alright, my long runs have basically been nonexistent. I have run 10 miles twice.

HEART: I don't think it's a secret that I would really really love to be pregnant, but for some reason it just isn't happening for me. When I started out training for this marathon, I told myself I would just train until I got pregnant and then I would stop the marathon training and just train for the 5K. The problem is, it's really hard to even want to run a "long run" when you are not sure if you will even do the marathon. My heart wants to be pregnant, not running a marathon. The even bigger problem is that every single long run that I do is a painful reminder of the fact that I am not pregnant. Last year I was so so so excited to run the marathon. Contrastly, this year when I imagine myself running it, I picture myself crying at the end, not because I'm so happy I finished, but because I'm so upset I don't have a baby instead.

So, I don't know what I'm going to do about the race. I still keep hoping I'll just get pregnant and it will make the decision easy: a 5K. In reality I guess I'll wait until the week before the race and then make a decision based on how much I've trained and of course the baby situation.

NOTE: Last year I did not train for the Pocotello Marathon because I was so sure I would be prego by Aug. 31st. Well, I ended up not and ran it anyway with my sister having trained less than what I have trained for this marathon. So, anything's possible.


Melanie and the Boys said...

I will hope and pray that you have a baby in the tummy.. All the best.


Kelly(M&M) said...

This post just breaks my heart. I keep hoping for the announcement from you. I am thinking of you. Don't stress about the marathon. If you have run 10 miles twice, why don't you just train for the half marathon? That is what Chelle is running. It is less of a time committment, but still a huge accomplishment, and if you do get pregnant, you could still do a 5k. :-) Keep us posted. You are in my prayers. Love ya girl!!